Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Top ten reasons to starve Terri Schiavo

Via Michael Gaynor and the MichNews but I'll put them in descending order like Letterman.

10. That stuff in America's Declaration of Independence about an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as an endowment from the Creator was a political promise to be broken after the American Revolution succeeded, not a restriction on the almighty judiciary in an increasingly secular society.

9. President Bush won re-election, and the pro-death forces need a human sacrifice to feel better.

8. If Terri receives physical therapy and eventually communicates about her medically confirmed history of physical trauma, Florida's crime and spousal abuse statistics might go up.

7. Others would make better use of the food and water Terri would consume and the bed in which she lies.

6. George Felos is an agent of "God" demanding the starving of Terri.

5. The United States Supreme Court refused to take the Schiavo case.

4. Judge Greer's aura of infallibility would disappear if he admitted a huge mistake and reversed himself.

3. The mother of Michael Schiavo's children wants to marry him.

2. Michael Schiavo wants to marry the mother of his two children.

1. The devil will be delighted.

Maybe I can add some more.

11. So that money Michael won to rehabilitate Terri could stopped being used to pay for attorneys trying to end her life and can instead be spent on new cars and spring fashion for Michael's mistress/fiancee.

12. So we wouldn't have to hear from a Nobel Prize nominated doctor who say Terri could be rehabilitated.

13. To save the prison umm.. hospice where Terri is kept some money and open up a bed for the next Florida resident they feel like not taking care of.

14. Because there is no reason not to believe that Michael is being completely honest about Terri's wishes.

15. Because feeding someone is an artificial way of keeping them alive and we can't have that.

16. We all love a good week long starvation. It's fun for everyone.

17. It might help Terri's figure.

18. The Pinellas County Starvation Diet is the next big diet trend after the Atkins diet.

19. Judge Greer used to be a housemate of Jim Morrison (you know - that guy from the Doors) so he's got to know what he's talking about.

20. So Pinellas County won't be overrun with prolifers trying to save Terri anymore.

Hat tip: Hyscience


  1. Anonymous11:58 AM

    Great list...you could modify #18 to read the "Pinellas Florida Diet".

  2. Hi Barbara,
    Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Great suggestion.

  3. That is priceless.
    You and Scrappleface are keeping me sane about this.

    But the closer it gets the more likely I am to advocate going in with blazing guns.