Tuesday, June 20, 2006

"It's so easy for him, isn't it?"

I Could be Anyone (ICBA) (whom I blogged about here and here) is scheduled to have her abortion tomorrow. Today (language warning) she discussed a fight/conversation she had with her boyfriend John. She writes,
I am angry that he gets to feel so removed. It's so easy for him, isn't it? I made the decision he wanted, I made the hard choice, the one that he wanted, but he doesn't EVER have to feel like he pressured me in to it or coerced me to make this choice. What he DOES NOT GET is that by breathing not one word about the alternatives and pretending that they didn't exist, he certainly didn't show any support for any of the others did he? Not that I wanted to go there but I did want to think that he made the same gut wrenching decision I did after considering the same alternatives I did.

It appears that ICBA is looking for empathy from John and not getting it. While John wanted ICBA to have an abortion and agrees with her decision, he doesn't seem to struggle with the decision or think it was a hard decision. As the man, he can, in a way distance himself from the unborn child and the abortion decision, while ICBA is carrying the child and she will have an abortion so distancing herself from the situation is near impossible.

ICBA is also upset that John doesn't seem able to voice reasons for why he thinks abortion is the right decision for ICBA. He seems to be following the "I'd prefer you have an abortion but it's your choice and I'll support your choice" mentality. ICBA is frustrated by that mentality. She wants him to share his real feelings and thoughts and not just defer to her.

What I'm wondering is how often do other women considering abortion feel the same way? From my memory it often seems that pro-choice women on abortion related boards are happy when an abortion-minded woman's boyfriend does what John appears to be doing. Completely deferring to the woman's decision is usually seen as a good, supportive thing. Yet ICBA sees this as being "afraid and weak." From John's perspective, he might be thinking, "I didn't make the decision, it was ICBA's decision. Therefore, I can distance myself from the results of that decision and the emotions that surround it."

I would again ask anyone reading this not to post or e-mail "you're killing your baby" type comments to ICBA. You might also want to say a pray for her.

Semi-related: Your Choice = Your Responsibility

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