"I’m not sure how much more I can tolerate."

A young woman describes her struggles after having an abortion in September of 2009.

I had the abortion and for the first few months I felt terrible, how could I kill my own child? All that kept going around in my head was “MURDERER”. It got to the point where I wanted to kill myself. All I could think about was ending it all. I ended up contacting the Samaritans and after getting everything of my chest I started to feel better and was finding it easier to cope and to continue with my studies.

Since about May (when it would have been due) I’ve been gradually becoming more depressed and have started having suicidal thoughts. I’m quite a shy person and find it had to talk to strangers which is why I haven’t gone to a councilor and I don’t want to tell my friends, I feel like the fewer people who know what I did, the better.

I was just wondering if things get better over time or will they just keep getting worse? I’m not sure how much more I can tolerate.