After he left, I had a dream last night. In my dream, we (I and my BF) were preparing to go to the clinic. All of a sudden, I heard a noise from my bedroom. Somehow, I had given birth, our baby was there. He had such beautiful, blue eyes. I told my BF:"Look, we can't go to to abortion. I already gave a birth." Everything was so real.
This dream really hit me when I woke up. I felt like that I wanted to keep my baby, but on the other hand the clock was ticking, and we had an appointment to go. I called my best friend in TX and told her my dream. I was crying my eyes out. Literally...
Then, my BF came to take me. On the way, we kept talking about it. All he was concerned about what his people in his church would think about him, his image...I know that he also felt bad too. When we went there, I was still trying to convince him that I want to keep the baby, but I wouldn't want to be a single mother and was asking for his help. At this point he said that "Nina, don't think it's be so difficult to convert." I just told him he didn't know what he was talking about, this is not even his territory that he was trying to enter. I told him that "I am not saying that I am not going to convert, but I just don't know when and how. I need time. I can't commit because I simply don't know. I don't wanna tell you sweet lies just to get what I want. I am already under pressure with this issue, why to put more pressure on me?" At some point, he told me "you don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do this. We don't belong to this place." I said "no we don't. I wanna keep the baby. However, I am an honorable woman who deserves marriage, and I don't want a mistress life." He said "Nina, I can't promise you either. I can't marry you unless you convert." Then, they called my name. We just looked at each others' face in fear and doubt. I had to go, and I did. He could have stopped me, but he didn't. I went to upstairs, changed my clothes. When I went to restroom, I looked at the mirror in doubt. What am I doing here?" I even thought to dress up and go back and leave the place, but it was just too late.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
"But it was just too late"
This is the incredibly sad story of the abortion experience of a young woman from another country who has been separated from her husband for seven months. She was impregnated by her boyfriend who wanted to keep the child and would marry her if she converted to Christianity.