What Kind of "Choice" is This?

As much as I despise the idea, I can't have another child. I went through an abortion as a teenager and I know what it's like. It's horrible and it's an experience that stays with you forever. It's something you never forget. It's something I never wanted to do again. I have 2 great kids who are learning the wrong things from their father and I love them enough to get them out of this unhealthy situation. I cannot bring another child into it. It will kill me. It will be horrible. I cry now thinking of doing it.....

This is not pleasant at all. I feel like hell. This will definitely be a scar on my psyche, but under these circumstances, I feel like I have no other choice.